If' Is A Good Word
by KatrinaEagle
Summary: Somehow, for no particular reason other than their yaoi pride, Sasuke and Naruto were shoved into a broom cupboard by rabid fangirls. And they were even provided lube. But, see, they have this small problem... SasuNaru Sasu oneshot NO SMUT


**A/N: **Another SasuNaru(Sasu) one-shot! To those who are watching me for This Is Not Your Normal High School, I'm sorry about the retardably long wait, but I lost the chapters (I broke my thumb drive...) and suddenly, lost the drive to write it. Chapter 12 is half-way done, but I'm just... stuck there. Hopefully I'll get it done within this holiday, but don't count on it.

To those of you who watch me for my SasuNaru stories (_are_ there any?), be glad, because I still have a stack of plots and half-written ones. And because I seem to get a lot of Alerts and Favorites on Ramen Party, I am thinking of writing a sequel. Maybe.

Anyway, on with the show! **A/N end**

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Sasuke, because he had years of practice, knew when the fangirls were coming.

Naruto, however, did not.

"No- what the _fuck_- hey! Watch the face- Gaaahh put me DOWN!"

He was gagged, tied up, and blindfolded. Somehow he didn't think this was _legal_, but really, he was mostly wondering _how to get the fuck away-_ alive. Although the feeling of crowd-surfing on a rather large group of girls was supposed to be enjoyable (read: boobs and body lotion), the fact that these girls were yaoi fangirls and he was not a rockstar of any sort, however, made his insides do a complicated somersault.

Let's hope these girls aren't into cannibalism.

Sasuke crouched down low, ducking between the lockers and the water fountain and oozing sexiness. He concentrated his entire being on pin-pointing the location of all girls within a 50-feet radius of his self that he didn't notice a boy standing next to him.

Then the boy poked Sasuke on the shoulder.

Sasuke jumped three feet in the air, crashed onto the locker walls and landed on his butt, clutching his chest, letting some of his sexiness slip away, but still managing to maintain more than the average male.

"OH MY _GOD_, SAI!" he cried, trying to calm his thundering heart.

Sai just blinked, then smiled creepily at him.

"Your fly is open."

"Huh? Really-"

And Sasuke noticed that it was a trick half a second too late. In the short amount of time it had taken him to look down and check his pants, Sai had used a useful pressure-point pokage to render him unconscious. For the moment, anyway.

As Sai flung Sasuke over his shoulder (and took the chance to grope the sexy raven) and gave his accomplices the thumbs-up, he looked forward to the fangirls' extensive collection of yaoi, all burned into a CD in exchange for his services. He stalked off briskly toward's the school's West Wing.

The West Wing was one of the first-ever buildings built, so now it was old, dusty, and hardly used.

On the corridor of the third and highest floor is a broom cupboard, rather spacious, and well equipped with soft blankets and cotton sheets.

The Unofficial Official Yaoi Fan Club took it one step further by putting generous amounts of condoms and lube in a corner. They had, after all, planned for it to be used by people who didn't _know_ they were going to need it.

The cupboard door was thrown open and Naruto was dropped inside. He yelled in pain, which came out as a muffled noise through the gag. The door was quickly shut.

"Do you think he'll be okay?"

"He will be, when the other one arrives."

There was a nervous scattering of chuckles and then Naruto heard the voices subside, and the silence that descended on him. He was suddenly frightened. He knew that taking off the blind would not help, since the inside of the cupboard was just as dark, but the loss of movement of his hands had his heart pounding.

"...shit..." he muttered to himself, then curled up into a ball and squeezed his eyes shut, tears wetting the blindfold.

Sasuke woke up to darkness. He also woke up to pain in his right leg. Something, or rather someone, was kicking him roughly.

"Wake _up_, you inconsiderate bastard!" Naruto said, although it came out more like, 'wagg op, yuhh encoshriate't bashturd'.

Sasuke moved away from the offending leg. "I'm up, stop kicking me..." he muttered, still groggy. He scowled and cursed every god, deity, and magical beings he knew. At least the other boy had stopped kicking him.

...God, his head hurt. And what was he doing in a cupboard, anyway?

The other boy kicked him- _again_- to get his attention. "'Elp mehh!"

It was only then Sasuke really took notice of the other boy in the broom cupboard. Sasuke hurriedly helped him out of the gag and blindfold.

It was too dark to actually be sure, but he could see the outline of the hair, the face-

"Aw, thanks, man! Now untie my wrists, will ya?"

- it was definitely Naruto. Sasuke ignored the other boy's pleas. Instead, he, without really thinking, caught Naruto's shoulder and squinted into his face, despite being 94% sure it was Naruto Uzumaki- tall, blonde, and currently locked in a broom cupboard with him.

"Naruto? What are you doing here?" Not exactly the smartest question to ask, but it got the point across.

Naruto visibly stiffened at the sound of Sasuke's voice. He couldn't even see the other boy's outline, but the firm grip on his shoulders and meltingly sexy voice confirmed it as Sasuke Uchiha- tall, dark, and handsome. Maybe that was an understatement. Sasuke Uchiha moved with sexy oozing out of his every pore: he defined sexy. In fact, he was synonymous with sexy, and probably drank blood of young girls to maintain that sexiness.

"Sasuke?" he asked, hesitant. He knew the answer that was about to come-

"Hn," they said together, and Naruto dissolved into a painful bout of giggles. Sasuke just sat back and looked sexy with a half-smirk on his face (not that Naruto could see it).

Naruto turned around so that his back was facing Sasuke. He planted his feet on the wall of the cupboard and pushed. Sasuke was alerted by the sudden absence of giggling and then his lap was remarkably full of Naruto.

"Untie my wrists, you bastard. It _hurts_ and _I can't feel my arms_ and _it's gonna bruise_ and _be lucky you weren't tied up_ and-"

Sasuke ignored everything after 'you bastard' because it was the beginning of another famous Naruto rant. He would prefer if his sexy ears didn't fall off, unlike some poor unfortunate soul who lost theirs last month.

Ironically, the rope binding Naruto's wrists was knotted with complex knots you learned in Girl Guide. They were, to normal non-Girl Guide personnel, rather hard to undo in almost darkness. If, Sasuke mused, the Evil Female Peoples Who Shrieked And Drooled (fangirls, but the Evil Female Peoples Who Shrieked And Drooled was exactly what Sasuke used to describe them. When mentioning them, Sasuke would lose some of his sexy and look sour.) wanted him to 'get it on' with Naruto and 'fuck like the pink Energizer bunny', they should have tied knots that were easier to undo.

...Unless they thought he liked bondage.

Sasuke had to admit, the thought was rather alluring. But no, he would do as Naruto wishes, because although he hated to admit, he was _whipped_.

After much tugging and cries of pain (on Naruto's part, although Sasuke did that once too when Naruto accidentally kneed him in the balls), Naruto was free from the ropes.

He rubbed his wrists, returned to his side of the cupboard, and glowered in the general direction of where the ropes lay.

Sasuke drew his knees up to his chest (sexily) and tried not to feel too bad about his balls shriveling up.

Soon silence descended upon them.

Naruto was the first to break the silence. Both of them knew Naruto was bad at holding his tongue, and that Sasuke actually thrived in a silent environment, like fungus (but sexy fungus).

"Hey." his voice cracked. The silence became pregnant.

The Uchiha grunted, not because he didn't particularly feel like speaking, but because he still felt his balls throbbing painfully and didn't want his voice coming out cracked, or god forbid- a pitch higher. (Even though it'd still be sexy. Hey, he defined sexy, it was his god-like privilege to do sexy continuously.)

Naruto took that as a cue to continue.

"So... what's the weather like, out there?"

Sasuke stared at him. Naruto couldn't see him, but boy, did he feel that stare. So he laughed nervously.

"Erm- yeah, right. Moving on. So..." he trailed off, hoping Sasuke would continue this awkward conversation. He didn't.

"So. Sasuke. We haven't really talked in a long time, have we?"

Sasuke pondered this question.

Three years ago, during the first year of junior high, the two of them had been really close- sort of best friends, if you will. (Sort of, because Sasuke didn't do best friends. Naruto is a special case.)

And then, in the second year, they fell apart. Each became busy with their own work, and lengthy chats in the hallway became short conversations, waves, nods of acknowledgement, and finally turned to ignoring the existence of the other. Not purposely, of course, but the last time Naruto waved, Sasuke either didn't notice, or ignored him completely and after that Naruto stopped waving at all. (Sasuke, actually, did notice, but was distracted by a certain Sai who was stalking him and brushing his hand over the sex god's bum. When Sasuke had managed to stuff Sai's head into a rubbish bin and turned around, Naruto had left.)

In the third year, club activities and Sasuke suddenly being shipped off to Timbuktu for three months had severed their ties for good. If they ever met in the hallway, or cafeteria, or library (Sasuke had taken to hiding behind the librarian's counter, because the librarian was a male, and also his very amused older brother. Sasuke appeased the man by occasionally leaving packets of M&M's in his room, because he knew he liked them.) they would secretly check each other out, but will be too embarrassed by the fact that they were being ignored by the other, so they kept silent.

And now, in senior high, Sasuke took Pure Science while Naruto went into Literature and Arts, therefore they hardly ever met in school. The fact that they were within an arm's reach would be, sad to say, the first time in two years and eight months.

"Yes. We haven't." was Sasuke's simple answer.

And Sasuke could feel Naruto's smile.

"-and so I told him to get lost, and you know what that idiot Kiba said? He said, 'But I'm already lost in your eyes!' and then I kicked him in the shins."

Naruto laughed heartily, while Sasuke chuckled sexily. It was Junior Year all over again, the jokes, the laughing...

A small piece of information filtered through Sasuke's mind.

"Wait, so this Kida guy-"

"Kiba."

"-whatever, this guy, tried to hit on you?"

"Not tried, bastard. _Did_. Although I must say, he _does_ have some taste." here Naruto stuck a dramatic pose. Sasuke did not see the humor in it.

"...and you are okay with this, _why_?" was his question.

Naruto lost his pose and scowled, a little skittish at the sudden change in atmosphere, but didn't know why.

"Well, I mean, c'mon. He's straight. It's not like he'll actually demand my hand in marriage. Besides, he's my best friend. We're just kidding around, man."

Sasuke got a little angrier knowing that Naruto had a new best friend and didn't need him anymore, but a reasonable part of him reminded him that he had moved on too. He quashed that part resolutely.

"He could be lying about his sexual orientation." Sasuke informed the agitated blonde.

Upon hearing this, Naruto instantly flared up.

"_Friends_ don't lie to friends, Sasuke! They also don't ignore each other, they won't suddenly stop talking to each other, they won't _act like the other is dead._" Naruto hadn't meant to say that. He wanted to put it all away, behind him, to hide this scar under a layer of laughter.

He calmed a bit, and seeing as Sasuke wasn't going to say anything anytime soon, he started talking again.

"Why are you saying this?" he asked.

"Because..." Sasuke started slowly. "Because, what if I said I like you?"

Naruto's entire face twisted into an ugly expression. He wanted to ram something (preferably a sharp object, but he supposed anything blunt would also do) straight through Sasuke's chest, but instead he responded, in a cold voice unlike his own.

"What sort of drugs have you been taking, _Uchiha_?"

Silence descended once more.

He hadn't used the raven's last name in four years. He had used it only once, on the first day he had met Sasuke. They were sitting side-by-side, and since the teacher did last name roll-calls, he only knew the pale boy sitting next to him had a last name of 'Uchiha'. The teacher had then also went on about how the elder Uchiha, now currently the school's head librarian, was his good friend back in his days. Mostly everyone learned to ignore him. He was always reading porn anyway. When Kakashi had moved on to other forgettable people in the class, Naruto had turned 90 degrees so that he was facing Sasuke, stuck out his hand and said, "Hi, younger Uchiha! I'm Naruto, what's your name?"

Sasuke had sat stunned for three seconds, then recovered enough to smile a sexy smile (yes, he was sexy back then too) and replied in a sexy voice, "Sasuke."

After that, Naruto called Sasuke Sasuke, or when the mood caught him, Your Royal Sexiness (Sasuke approved) or occasionally he used the corrupted version of chibi!Sasuke- Sasu-chan. (Sasuke did not approve. He glared a less-than-sexy glare whenever anyone used it- in this case, it was usually Naruto. Sai had once tried to call him by that name, but before he finished the '-chan' his head was reacquainted with the rubbish bin.)

Naruto had never once been angry enough at Sasuke to revert back to Uchiha. (The only time he was seriously angry at Sasuke at all was when Sasuke had been to the new ramen store in town before he did. Naruto had ignored Sasuke in his own melodramatic fashion before Sasuke had went out and returned with the ramen in apology.) The fact that they hung out a lot together in only the span of one school year probably helped in avoiding Serious Arguments, but with the two of them so close together while maintaining those explosive qualities of theirs, it was a rather good job.

And now he had ignored all Rules of Friendship and called the other by his last name.

Naruto stared into darkness.

_Oh well,_ he thought. _He wasn't much of a friend to lose anyway._

Sasuke sat at his own end, pressed against the smooth inner walls of the cupboard. He was hurt, and that word was used loosely. He was feeling betrayal, anger, sadness, despair, relief and everything else in the short time of 72 seconds, and after that, he felt blank. He didn't _feel_ much, and it seemed as if he was looking upon himself in a detached, cold way. He knew he had all those strange emotions hurtling around him, but instead his mind felt calm, as though he was sitting within the Eye of the Storm.

Truth to be told, he wasn't sure what compelled him to 'confess his undying love' (in the words of the Evil Female Peoples Who Shrieked And Drooled) for Naruto, but he was sure it was something he'd been feeling for quite some time.

Either that or he just missed his sort-of best friend very much.

And either way, he liked the blonde. Of course, he may mean it in a brotherly, best friend-ish way, or he may mean it in a 'I like you go out with me and we'll have sex on your parent's porch' kind of way. He still wasn't sure which was what he felt (or wanted to feel) but he was pretty sure he wouldn't _really_ have sex on Naruto's porch, because that would kill off all chances of him asking the Uzumakis for their blessings, _if_ that were ever the case.

Well, the entire point came down to one thing only, and since he'd had lessons in being charmingly sexy, he was sure he could pull it off.

Let's just hope Naruto was in a forgiving mood.

Naruto stiffened up and slowly reached for a bottle of lube he had found in his corner of the cupboard. (He hadn't actually _had_ a clue what he was stuck in a cupboard for, but he knew when he found the lube. And the condoms. And the cock ring.) The bottle of lube wouldn't really be the best weapon if Sasuke wanted to rape me, he reflected wryly, but still held it up in an offensive manner, _if_ he really needed it.

Sasuke was sidling up beside him, nudging Naruto with his (utterly sexy) hip to make more room for himself.

Naruto complied, and scooted to the side.

Now they were sitting side-by-side (or hip-to-hip) in one end of the cupboard and Naruto could swear he felt the cupboard tilt slightly.

"What do you want?" Naruto asked, rudely. He had a right to be rude. His ex-best friend just confessed his undying love for him after three years of ignoring him, and he couldn't have chosen a better place or time.

Sasuke just grunted and leaned away sexily from Naruto, but his hips were still attached to Naruto's, so he just looked, if anyone could see him, in denial about this whole thing. He was, actually. Isn't he always?

"I suppose you're here to apologize and beg at my feet for forgiveness." Naruto went on, undisturbed by the other boy's nonchalance or the hip attached to his own.

Sasuke kept silent this time and didn't try to sound like a caveman in heat. He had _manners_.

"Well, Uchiha, keeping silent isn't going to help you any."

Ah. He was expecting that. But he wasn't expecting that horrendous ache when Naruto referred to him as 'Uchiha' _again_. Now all he wanted to do was to _make things right_ and later, hopefully they'll be let out before dinner-time, he'd treat Naruto to ramen, call it a truce, and bury the past together with the remains of Naruto's ramen.

And suddenly he had this glorious idea, though he'd be damned if he ever admitted taking a leaf out of the Evil Female Persons Who Drooled and Shrieked's book.

If all goes well, his utterly spectacularly amazingly sexy move would render Naruto speechless, seduced and sated. It was a bold and daring plan, but what bold and daring plan _couldn't_ he pull off? Especially when his sexy came into play.

He decided to throw caution to the wind (in this cramp, tight, enclosed space, there was hardly enough air to go around, let alone wind) and turned on his sexy a little higher.

Naruto felt the other shift subtly, so he said "So, going to say anything, Uchiha?"

He should really stop calling Sasuke 'Uchiha' because it rolled awkwardly off his tongue, and maybe he was just pushing it too far, he really appreciated Sasuke's friendship, after all...

He didn't have to think that, because Sasuke planted his face right into his.

_Well, one thing about all those rumors and shit is true,_ Naruto thought, _Sasuke sure can kiss._

_And he does sexy very well._

Half past five saw the Evil Female Persons Who Drooled And Shrieked creeping silently towards the broom cupboard, fanned out and crouched low.

They were listening for the tell-tale signs of wood creaking, or heavy breathing, or sometimes, screams.

All they heard was soft voices and the occasional chuckle. It was as though Sasuke and Naruto had treated this whole thing as a casual trip to the coffee shop.

The fangirls were sorely disappointed and dropped the stealth movement.

The President unlocked the door and allowed the dim light to shine through.

._..A coffee shop which apparently encourages its customers to squeeze together despite being rather roomy,_ she thought, and she couldn't help the malicious grin creeping onto her face.

Naruto blinked at the suddenly light and scrunched up his face. Cute.

Sasuke just sat back and stared. Sexily.

The President sighed, moved back, and allowed them to pass.

Naruto stumbled a bit, because apparently his legs fell asleep, while Sasuke stepped out, again, oozing sexiness, like he was stepping out of a limo. His long legs ensured him that he'd be beside Naruto _if_ Naruto happens to stumble and fall.

The President, being President, saw this and again, her perverted brain twisting all... _innocent_... actions males did towards _other_ males into sometime akin to one male thinking about taking the other male on the stairs/bathroom/kitchen table/living room rug/bedroom dresser.

Then she saw Sasuke grab onto Naruto's hand while breaking into a run and she flashed a predatory grin.

"We'll be installing cameras in Naruto's front porch, Uchiha!" she yelled after them, and thought she heard a distant shout of 'Shit!', though that may just be her imagination.

"So, Prez, what do we do with the lubes?" one petite girl asked, gathering the lubes, condoms and cock ring.

The President swept her eyes over the bottles. "We'll send them to the Uchiha Residence. Since he took a bottle, and well, I like things in sets." then she grinned again. "And we can blackmail him."

The rest grinned as well.

"You know, Sasuke..." Naruto muttered, still slightly out of breath.

They had slowed down considerably, but Sasuke's quick walk was equivalent to Naruto's jogging. Cursed genetics.

He tugged a bit at his hand. Sasuke wouldn't let go, and even had his fingers entwined with his to ensure no accidental 'slipping'.

Naruto bit his lip and wondered how to continued.

"You know, _if_ you are serious, _if_ you never do what you did again, _if_ you will never ignore me, _if_ you keep your promise... Maybe perhaps possibly I _may_ consider your request."

Sasuke stopped abruptly. He looked at Naruto with an unreadable expression, then he broke into a very small, sexy smile.

"No ifs."

0-0-0-0-0-0-0

Ahah! Ever read a story where they get stuck in a broom cupboard without sexing each other up? (Truth be told, I've never read a SasuNaru broom cupboard story...)

This story actually didn't take the direction I wanted. It just came alive on its own and forced me to type it. Sad, I know. And I think this is my longest one-shot ever. What, 9 pages full of crap? Wow. And I didn't even strain my brain juice this time.

Review.


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